I've thought a lot about family today. Maybe it's the impending move, maybe it was the lesson in RS, maybe it's the loss of Bro. Thompson's wife. I was able to see him on Saturday. I could see his absolute love for his dear wife. I ache for his loneliness without her.
This has brought me to thinking about my dear grandmother, Nina. She is suffering severely with the pain of age. As I visit I see grandfather take such care to ease her pain and show her his complete love for her. This stage in life is not simple. I am sure they are both aching. I don't want to focus on the suffering or the pain because I then am only sad and distraught. I want to share the shining example of womanhood that Nina stands for.
There's a silly book about a poor child who has "crazy" parents. Those crazy parents remind me of my grandmother. Interestingly however I have done everything within my power to pattern my life after hers.
Grandma shopped second hand stores. I remember shopping with her as a child and being completely embarrassed. I now hold my head high and breathe deep as I walk in second hand stores or stop at a yard sale. It smells like grandma, it smells so comfortable. I've even seen items on the side of the road and stopped to ask if I could have them. Grandma Nina would be pleased. Waste not, want not.
I remember showing up at her home late in the evening and she had just cooked homemade bread. Our favorite! She cooked it in round cans. This provided us with a special treat; round bread. It was pure genius. I have one of those round cans and in her honor I like to bake that loaf to give to someone. Giving, that's grandma. She gave of her time and love to so many in which she came into contact. She served many years at the training school. This is a special school for special children. I know she loved each of those children and worked to give them the special attention they were worthy. Grandma also worked in the temple for many years. She tenderly worked with the children waiting to be sealed to their parents. I remember her stories about sad children and how she was able to console them. She loves children and spent much of her time playing with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and any child that was near her. She has limitless love. I remember her protecting my sister from me. I wasn't a kind sister and my younger sister shared a room with me. At the time I was certain the action taken was for my good. I realize now that it was about poor Amy dealing with me. Grandma could easily be found in service. She rarely thought of her own concerns but was regularly aiming to help others in need. When she and grandpa got old they started singing and dancing at rest homes. It was lovely to watch them. Each resident was thankful for the music, dancing and smiles they brought with them.
Family parties filled with entertainment and fun games. Grandma regularly would throw taffy at summertime parties. She was good at throwing and sent many of use wildly running around searching for our chance at sugar. She and grandpa dressed up each Christmas Eve as Mr. and Mrs. Claus. This was something that she watched her mother do for us so when the time came she took the responsibility on and danced and sang as she would pass out gifts. It was a delight to sit in the room and see the magic, even as I grew older the magic lasted as we sang "here comes Santa Claus" and they would grandly enter the room shaking bells and sharing joy. At Halloween she would carefully place guessing jars in the breeze way. We each took a turn to guess the amount of items in the jar. Closest person wins the treat. Her jars were always different sizes, shapes and colors. She would even fool us sometimes with jars you could not see in. I loved the jars where the treat was so simple to count. These jars were given special attention so that even the littlest of child could participate.
Grandma spent many hours cooking. I will never forget her kitchen or the way she looks standing in it. The meals she made were so filled with love. My favorites were Wheat Hearts for breakfast and her homemade bread that Grandpa would so precisely cut. Grandma made the best prunes. She had her own plum trees and she would dry the prunes to this yummy sweet perfection. I've tried to imitate but mine are somehow lacking. Thanksgiving meant Grandma's tarts. She would spend what must have taken hours shaping little pie crusts (tarts) that we could fill with what ever flavor of pudding we wanted. I've been told by adults that the taste was less than optimal. I am sure they were wrong because I know I went back for 2nds, 3rds, 4ths..... How special I felt filling my own little pie on Thanksgiving.
It's funny how when people age or start to suffer our minds and memories change. I am sure that I must have found myself frustrated with my grandmother. After all she was very much an integral part of my life and therefore I must have hated her at some point. I can't remember any negative moments, it escapes me. I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime to have so many positive moments and memories that flood my mind. My grandmother is a beautiful woman.
I recently had the opportunity to spend some time alone with her. She has become as though a child and her frail and tender body is nearly finished. I sat alone with her on her bed and cupped my hands in hers. She placed her head on my shoulder and we just sat. Several times after moments had passed she would become concerned for her dear husband. Where could he be? Then she would find the note he left her reminding her that he was at church. She would settle back in and I'd enjoy having her so close to me. I thought about how she must have rocked me and protected me as an infant. Here I was playing the part of an adult. I am blessed with a beautiful ancestry. There are many men and women who came before me and then left a great legacy.
So why the title of today's post?? My grandmother is near the end. She wants her mother, she will soon be at rest from the physical pain that her body brings upon her soul. She will soon fly free without the pains and sufferings. This will not be easy for anyone involved. I ache for my dear grandfather as I envision him alone without the woman he has daily interacted with for so many years. There are many people who will feel the pain of the loss of her from off the earth. I want to remember the good things that she brought to me. Often times we try to decide what we'd want from someones after they have passed on. I can tell you what I want. I want her metal measuring cups. Those cups were used to teach me how to make bread. I want to open my drawer and pull out some magic and memories each time I cook. For now a dear friend of mine has given me some. Each time I use them I am reminded of my dear grandmother. The other thing I want is her treat drawer. I've been told many times that the drawer is not available, I guess it stays with the house. I will have to make my own just like it. The drawer was not simple to open. It required thought and at times persistence. It was an older drawer that would stick. This drawer was filled with much goodness. The best part was you never knew how long the treats had been there. I loved to dig through to the back and find some treasure that had gone unnoticed. I would then carefully close the drawer and lean against it as I devoured my find. These happy memories of my grandmother fill my soul. I love you Grandma Nina!
