Have you ever started a program and found it stirringly difficult but truly a blessing? Kjel's started this 12 step program that we've humorously deemed "12 steps to a hell..the..er you." I'm actually quite proud of him. January meant giving up soda. My cute guy did it! It wasn't easy but he stuck with it and considering today is the final day of January he has now gone 31 days without. The plan is to continue. February means another step. He's decided to actually take a lot of steps this month and will be walking a mile every day. I'm glad that he wants to make changes. I'm not sure that I felt that he needed change but since he wants to I'm supporting him.
Just less than a year ago I started attending the churches 12 step program. I didn't know the church sponsored anything of this nature but when I started struggling with life a loved one (thank you) convinced me that attending was what I needed. While in Utah I picked up the book put out by the church and I started going regularly to meetings. It was truly wonderful and the steps helped me.
Right now some of you may be thinking... what is she addicted to? Why did she go?? How embarrassing? I'm so glad none of those things crossed my mind. I would have missed out on the greatest change in my life.
I'm addicted to thinking. I think about a lot and then rational thinking turns into crazy misplaced thoughts that turn into hours of serious torture within my mind. I don't really know how to explain it but truly it is an addiction that affects my life and my loved ones. The symptoms that come with thinking lead into depression, anxiety and ridiculous OCD's. It never ends good. The hard part is like with any addiction it's not easy to give up, it's next to impossible and it has a tendency to start without my initiating.
When I moved here I realized how much I missed the program. I started trying to find one in my area. I had no luck. I started a blog dealing specifically with my 12 step journey. I've decided that I can't keep both of them going. It's tricky to jump between log on names and posting and all that comes with two worlds.
I've had a rough couple of days. I share this with you because I'm sure there are those out there that have also had some difficult days. Last night my Anthony rubbed my back, my Isaak brought me his teddy bear, my Nic suggested they bring me dinner in bed and my Clayton cleaned up and took care of the family until Dad arrived home. I also share because I love my kids and this blog is my journal. This morning I am doing well. I've showered, done dishes, cleaned up and even read my scriptures and hugged each of my kids.
This brings me to the conclusion of this post. I will now have a new label on the side of my page. The label is titled 12 steps. You will find older posts from the last few months. I will continue to work through this journey. I want to be more out in the open for those who are struggling but also for those who are not. I'm your sister, daughter, wife, neighbor, friend, niece, stranger. I kept my anonymity for many years as do many who struggle. There is no way of knowing who it is. We must love one another.
When I moved here I realized how much I missed the program. I started trying to find one in my area. I had no luck. I started a blog dealing specifically with my 12 step journey. I've decided that I can't keep both of them going. It's tricky to jump between log on names and posting and all that comes with two worlds.
I've had a rough couple of days. I share this with you because I'm sure there are those out there that have also had some difficult days. Last night my Anthony rubbed my back, my Isaak brought me his teddy bear, my Nic suggested they bring me dinner in bed and my Clayton cleaned up and took care of the family until Dad arrived home. I also share because I love my kids and this blog is my journal. This morning I am doing well. I've showered, done dishes, cleaned up and even read my scriptures and hugged each of my kids.
This brings me to the conclusion of this post. I will now have a new label on the side of my page. The label is titled 12 steps. You will find older posts from the last few months. I will continue to work through this journey. I want to be more out in the open for those who are struggling but also for those who are not. I'm your sister, daughter, wife, neighbor, friend, niece, stranger. I kept my anonymity for many years as do many who struggle. There is no way of knowing who it is. We must love one another.