So how does it happen?
One day soaring high.... next day filled with anxiety, no outward change. Significant difference inside.
I've been working on step 4. It may seem like I haven't because I have not mentioned the step recently. I've got to say... this one is nasty. Here is what I wrote in my 12 step journal as I began:
Some events in my life have been resolved. I'm uncertain how many are still in need of reckoning. I will pray and ask for the Holy Ghost to guide and direct me to know of those events still needing to be shed from the darkness and honestly dealt with. I will work to grow closer to the Savior that through him I may be honest with me.
When you start making lists of the past you can truly torture any hope out of yourself. Let's face it we've made mistakes. Some HUGE, some small. How to repair those things??? I've done pieces of this before through letters to friends, apologies to people in the past, phone calls, behavior changes. There are few negative things I don't remember. Let me clarify. I can remember so many times when I was WRONG!! So very wrong. Some can be chalked up to I was only a child, I was only a teenager, I was only 30?? (the last one might be pushing it).
Walking through this step trudging through errors and locating people to send apologies trying to repair damage left from my footprint isn't simple.
I've jumped ahead in this step though. I was only to list those things that I needed to repair. I was only to make the list of times that I must correct.
Problem is I started making the list and felt so bad I had to start fixing it.
I'll be completely honest with you
LIFE SUCKS!!
There it is clearly printed. Life is not easy. People are suffering; people hurt others, people hurt themselves, people get hurt. Smiling takes less muscles but more strength.
I'll jump on the street corner and make lemonade, I'll even give it away for free. There is much joy, after all men (women) are that they might have joy! check out that "might" word.
MIGHT
auxiliary verb
Used to indicate a condition or state contrary to fact: She might help if she knew the truth.
Used to indicate a possibility or probability that is weaker than may: We might discover a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
noun
The power, force, or influence held by a person or group.
Physical strength.
Strength or ability to do something.
Joy is not impossible. Truly the Lord meant for this life to bring joy.
I'm not sure what I'm saying so I'm going to leave this post where it is and think some more. At this point the list is working, or I'm working on it.
Tomorrow morning I leave for a temple trip. I am headed to Nauvoo. I can't wait to rest my weariness. May the Lord bless those who are in need and those who don't know they are in need.
That leaves me with this additional thought..
why do we always pray for the people who aren't with us? at home, at church?? We always ask the Lord to bless those who couldn't be with us. I'm feeling selfish and think we should also bless those who are with us.
just a thought