to act or react

Growing up I spent much time talking with my parents. I realize now that some of that time was spent talking at my parents but they faked it well enough that I believed we were in a deep conversation with two participants. Now, let's not feel sorry for them I allowed them to do their fair share of talking at me. It's all part of growing up, learning to ignore your parents/child.

My "favorite" conversations were the ones that started with me in time out, thinking about my mistake. We called this conversation "the talk". My siblings can attest to this family tradition of talking. We each had different weaknesses that would send us to our room but we each got to spend some time talking when we had finally thought through the situation. The three areas that usually got me sitting alone thinking before talking were:

• body language (inappropriate)
• sneaking food
  
• learning to act not react to situations

I had serious problems with body language. I got in trouble with adults a lot for being sassy or rude in my body language. I'd like to think I've learned how to control myself so that others don't know when I'm sassing them or being rude.

As a child my parents feed us very well. I never went hungry. We ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and we even had snacks and treats. Strangely though I've always been an emotional eater. I've always been the kind of person who eats when she's bored, sad, happy, mad. I know how this does not help me and that it's completely wrong to solve my problems with food or to constantly celebrate with food. I will say I no longer sneak food. I just open my pantry and eat it whenever I want. No hiding or trickery involved. Hooray, problem solved.

Finally, the real reason I'm writing today is the talk I remember most. "You need to learn to act in a situation, not react." The childhood hours of time spent on this subject have helped me as I've looked for ways to help my own children act, not react. I must say I still hear my parents voices in my head each time I come across a situation when I can make a choice to act or react. Proof that the talk does work.

This morning I was thinking about the last 7 weeks of pregnancy. Last night was rough. I found myself not sleeping but doing the toss and turn, get up and pee, waddle back to bed, toss and turn, wake up innocent sleeper next to me, toss and turn, get up and pee routine. I'm actually not even tired today so I'll consider that as a blessing. My biggest problems is the stubs that I'm walking on that are no longer shaped as feet. Last night I went to bed weighing in at 200lbs. This morning I woke up at 195 pounds. I lost a lot of water as I reclined but I know there's a ton more. I'd like to think 40lbs. more but honestly I know some of what I'm carrying is due to boredom and that eating habit I mentioned. So I'm thinking this morning about acting not reacting. I want to enjoy the next weeks. I want to pull through to the end without my usual episodes of screaming at everything that moves or asks me to move. I don't know yet if I'll be able to do this but I am thinking about it. Today I will spend drinking water and working on laundry and some housekeeping. I will take it a little slower and I will also try to act appropriately when I'm dealing with my kids. I know I will react at some point but may my mom's sweet voice be in my head to remind me to act, at least until she get's here and can act for me.