and today i will count my blessings

I left a sour taste in everyone's mouth yesterday and I was thinking I'd send you some sugar.

The sad part about yesterday is I was so stubborn and unwilling to help myself.
I actually have MANY coping mechanisms for bad days. I have songs, scriptures, books, thoughts, people, places.... and so on. I was such a snot and so wrapped up in my rotten attitude that I didn't even try to feel better. I just wanted to be grumpy and picked on. I appreciate everyone's kind words to the spoiled brat in the corner and I will now pick her snotty butt up off the floor and remind her of all she is blessed with.

This morning I was watching my boys play football in the house and I couldn't help but smile because Anthony and Isaak were spending time together. I then realized that ball in the house is against the rules and I should stop them. But for a moment longer I smiled then when it got a little crazy I reminded them it was against the rules... it's a safety thing, not their safety but the safety of the house. Here is the magic though... the real magic is that immediately the thought came to mind that while I fight depression and anxiety (and I do say fight because most of the time when it is present I'm kicking it's butt) I am blessed with the ability to drink lemonade. I've had many examples in my life of people that take lemons and make lemonade. Their examples have taught me how to find extreme joy in the smallest of ordinary moments. I by far do not have this completely figured out and there are days when a rainbow shows itself to my soul and I do not recognize its present or it's presence, however, the Lord has blessed me with the ability to enjoy life.
Funny that a person with depression and anxiety is also blessed with the ability to enjoy life. Okay, maybe not funny but interesting.

Thanks for your love and support yesterday. Too many kind words for the selfish little brat but they were thoughtful and did help knock me out of my attitude that was helping no one.

And BTW: No looking up to me, we're all on the same level. I fall often enough that I don't want it to hurt any harder than it already does. Love you!