i remember

halloween parties with marshmallow games and donuts hanging above my head
sleepovers with funny breakfast cereal in her bowl
falling in love with Wheat Hearts she gave me
lying to her about a mess i made and to this day still need to talk with her and tell her the truth... i should totally do that
the way i felt when she talked with me
her teaching me to play jacks
painting walls in the cabin with her over and over until they were just right
threatenings of being shot with puffed rice by her
the way i felt when i knew i was going to visit her

there are so many things i remember but i find it interesting that
today as i've come up with all these memories of her i can't see her.
it's not that i don't know what she looks like.
it's that my mind can't see her.
i mean my mind can create her image
but as i think of her my mind does not see her...
my heart does.

love you grandma.

in honor of your birthday today
i ate two bowls of delicious ice cream
and i'll be ending my day with another bowl
and thinking of you.

i don't know why we say it was her birthday? today will always be her birthday.
she is still and while she is not here she is not was.