the backstory...
When Kjel and I first got married I went on birth control pills. I don't know when Kjel realized that the pills were causing a significant change in my mood and personality but for me, I was clueless until someone pointed out that I seemed different. As I looked back on that first year or so of our marriage I realized that I indeed was not myself. Kjel and I decided to dump the pills and bring me back. It didn't take long for the effects of the meds to wear off. I was soon "normal" again.
Multiple times during our marriage I've tried different methods of hormone birth control. Each time the end result has been to delete the meds.
With age my anxiety and depression have intensified and thus for the last several years we have not even tried 'medical' birth control. It's already touch-and-go as to whether I'm normal so we've opted to stay away from possibly making things worse.
fast forward...
Six weeks after Anna was born I sat in the doc's office. I was waiting for him to enter the room and I was thinking about the inevitable question I knew he would be asking. Honestly, I was trying to figure out an answer myself. What we're we going to do for birth control? My mind wondered and wandered and then I had this moment. I was thinking about how I wished I could just take birth control pills. If it wasn't for my stupid anxiety and depression I could just pop a pill and our problems would be solved. Then my mind went a different direction and I had this moment. Were it not for my mental illness I would not have the children that I do. My mental illness is a blessing. I have no doubt that I would be a mom of much fewer children if these little kiddo's had not just surprised us.
I'm thankful for the blessing of these children in my life. It's good for me to remember the beautiful blessings that come from the stupid chemicals in my body that are just stupid.