Dear Priesthood leader,
I came to the meeting. I prepared my heart to be filled with inspiration. I wanted to feel the spirit and be uplifted. What I heard was, guilt, guilt, guilt, you're not enough, guilt, guilt, do more, be more, guilt, you need to take care of more and be more concerned, guilt, guilt, Jesus, guilt, guilt. I'm glad Jesus was sprinkled into the 2 hours I spent. Although, His name was mentioned to make me feel guilty for not giving more and not being more.
I very much realize that these are my own words forced upon me by myself. I realize that as you prepared your words that you wanted to uplift and inspire. You wanted the congregation to leave with a new energy. Certainly, there were those that left inspired. I wonder though how many left feeling like me. Feeling like it's impossible to be enough.
Its been sometime since I left a meeting with a positive energy. Some would say I'm in a funk and that I'm doing this to myself. I read more into what was said than intended. They could be right. I'm not saying that it's your fault or anyone else's fault for how I feel. I take ownership for my feelings and my reactions. I'm trying to come with an open heart and leave with a heart filled with love. Instead I'm weighed down for days.
The church would say, Satan is the problem. We should blame him. We blame him for everything. So go to hell Satan. I didn't ask him to fill my heart with guilt. I didn't beg him or invite him to sit by me at each meeting. I want to feel God. I call upon Him and I ask Him to be present.
I can't help but wonder if we were to change the way we converse/convert if we wouldn't have more love in our community? You talked about the lost lamb. Did you consider they might be sitting and listening? They came aching to hear of Jesus. To hear how He heals. Can we please soon have a meeting where the topic is Christ?