I've spent a lot of time thinking about roller coasters and perspective. Not necessarily the two together although I'm sure if my mind had adequate sleep I could link the two and come up with some beautiful message. Bummer!!
With each of my pregnancies I've experienced some form of postpartum depression. With baby 1 and 3 it nearly sent me over the edge. Baby 2 and 4 it just came and went with the moment. Not so bad but still enough to wonder why I would choose to have a child.
So as it neared the birth of Matthias I found myself wondering what level I'd be experiencing. How negative of me to wonder how bad it would be. I didn't even leave an opening for it to not happen. I am still medicating from my round of clinical depression and anxiety so I hoped the meds would help me get through the postpartum.
I will say that a roller coaster is exactly what I'm experiencing. Some moments I'm flying high and I can't stop smiling and thinking happy thoughts. Other moments are dark and sad. I can literally feel the change in my system. It's crazy and frustrating. But the pro is I feel the change.
When Adi and I were training for our marathon we ran a lot of hills. We ran a lot of UP hills. It was some stupid thing we did to strengthen ourselves. We actually came up with this saying, "What goes down, must come up." We came up with this one day when we realized what a relief it was to go down hill and then also realized that every time we went down hill we'd turn around and be going back up.
Right now I'm using that saying to pull through the little yuck moments. What goes down must come up. I will come up! I will have happy moments and I will gain control over my emotions, in time.
Perspective has been on my mind a lot. Mostly because I'm SO thankful for Kjel's perspective. He loves me (every pound) he's okay with the messes (throughout the house and my emotional self) he loves baby (even when he's screaming). I love to watch Kjel take each minute as it comes and just deal with it and love.
I'm also thinking about perspective because each of us learn as we gain different perspectives. Hooray for patience as we deal with people and as they deal with us. I guess I just really cling to my saying...
"Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle."
Here's to another 24 hours!!