carry vs. own

The sun was shining and a gentle breeze was about the air. Why not ruin it with a brisk walk around the neighborhood. I could have sat outside and simply enjoyed the fresh breeze but instead I laced my running walking shoes and started on a journey with Matthias. He is required to attend since he was attending when all the weight started showing up.

To get to the point....
While listening to my thighs whistle and chat with each other I realized how good my body was feeling. I was moving with such ease. 3 months ago I couldn't walk around the house. This thought led me to thinking about the weight I owned. See, on this walk I was using my front carrier and Matthias in his 15 lbs. of glory was adding a degree of resistance. 3 months ago he added a degree of resistance. What is the difference? Carrying the weight versus owning the weight. So while medically there are many differences this aha thought jumped into my mind.

carry vs. own

Today I was only carrying the weight. It was there with me but it was not my own weight. 3 months ago it was my own weight. This thinking sent my brain into overload as I considered these additional thoughts.

My weight of my life and trials is very different than when I carry someones trials. I can never fully understand how much their owned weight feels as they live. I can carry it with them and propose to understand but I cannot understand... even if that trial is one I have experienced in my own life it is not my owned, it's my carry.

After dwelling on this thought for a moment my brain quietly whispered this truth to me. Christ is the only person I can share my burdens with and He will truly understand. I can drop my crap on your doorstep and you may lovingly pick it up and help me carry it. It will ease my troubles, however, Christ owns my troubles. He fully owns what I have and thus if I drop it at his feet and spend time chatting with him He will know exactly what steps to take because He knows.

Here's another level.. if you drop the K in knows and rearrange the letters it makes the word owns. (i might be reaching on that one)

I'm also reminded of a song I've been enjoying lately. The song is by Jessie Clark Funk and the words that stick out are these...

My soul is so tired and I'm longing for rest.
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best.
It hurts to move on from the place I am in but you understand where I've been.
And you reassure me it's time to start over again.

All of the pain and confusion I'm going through I'm starting it over in you. Willing to trust it's the right thing to do.

This was important for me today! Not because today is a grumpy sad yucky day and I am oh so weighed down with troubles, but because today is a lovely wonderful happy sunny day and the troubles while present are not weighing me down.

And you thought I was just burning calories :)