My sister friend Adi made me a book. Inside the book was letters that friends and loved ones wrote to me. The words are kind, too kind and they lift my heart. I keep the book near me because I enjoy thinking upon the many relationships that have been created.
After I read the book over and over again I wanted to sit down and write about each of the people who wrote to me. I of course have good intentions but the follow through at times is quite limited.
Today I am 32. For my birthday I wanted three things; sunshine (got it), my niece to play me a song on the piano (getting it this afternoon), and time to sit down and write about these wonderful people.
Since the book was given to me I have met many other people who have brought joy to my life. I must write about them at some point. But before I bite off an entire mouth of food that I cannot chew I will start with the loved ones in the book.
First and foremost today I will write about the person that made it all happen.
my MOMMY....
If not for her I would not have a birthday.
You learn a lot about being a mom when you turn into one. You learn that sometimes you were a wonderful child and sometimes you were a rotten snot. I've learned that my mom always did the best she could. There are few lessons more important for me to understand than that my mom did her best.
We met 32 years ago as I came into the world. She was very worried about me because she had been in a car accident and the docs couldn't tell her what the effect of the car accident would be on her baby. It's a mother's job to worry. I'm pretty sure that gravity is created by mother's worrying and we must worry or we'd all fall off the face of the Earth.
So much uncertainty and then she held a beautiful baby girl in her arms. She has often times told me I was the most beautiful baby girl she had every seen. First off this is a mom's perspective and second I was her first daughter, so of course I was the most beautiful. I have to say that I've seen the pics and she must have had one nasty delivery with me because I wasn't pretty at all and all I can figure is that she was just glad I'd finally gotten out of there.
So life goes on and she gives up so much of who she is. She's completely willing (99% of the time) to give it. She absolutely is. She wouldn't want it any other way. She dove into life as a mom with her entire soul. Did it always go right? Of course not, she didn't get a users manual. Did she have days that she wanted to walk away. Yes, give the woman a break she was working with me.
It's good that I recognize she wasn't perfect because it gives me hope as a mom. On those days when I mess up and fall apart and say something wrong I can cut myself a little slack --i of course still take on the guilt, that's my job-- but I have a wonderful representation of motherhood to look to and buoy me up.
So why do I love my mom?
she cooks, she cleans, she does the laundry... oh wait that's the crap I do. Can I move back home so you'll do it?
I love my mom because she is growing. Watching her embrace changes in her life and punch her way through the tough stuff brings smiles to my face and warmth to my heart. I love that she knows my children. She understands little nuances about them and loves them. It's wonderful how she prays for her children. It's not easy having her girls all over the country. I know she misses us and we miss her and each other. I know she prays for us. Praying for me is the greatest gift she could give me. It brings me strength knowing that she and my father think of me and are sending strength to me through the Lord.
There are things that remind me of my mom.
- I love the bracelet she gave me when I moved here. Every time I see it I think of mom.
- My mom's house always smells wonderful. She has happy smells that permeate throughout her house. When I smell those I am reminded of mom.
- Often when one of the boys farts or burps I think of my mom because she would be SO disgusted.
- Any time I see or hear about a grand piano my mom pops into my head.
- Greg Olson pictures instantly bring my mind to mom.
- the picture of Mary and baby Jesus that hangs by my front door brings her to mind because she gave me the picture when we moved into our first home.
- days that seem like they're way too much and being a mom is way too hard and i want to quit and throw in the towel and never look back I think of my mom and how she just keeps trying.
- Anything that is toll painted or counted cross stitched is my mom.
- The song from primary "Oh what do you do in the Summer time" because mom taught it to us in primary and I was certain she had written the song. (btw, she didn't)
- living green plants in people's homes because we had lots of green plants in our house and they lived forever
Love you mommy! Thanks for all the years you've worried about me and prayed for me. Thanks for remembering the good moments of my childhood and blocking out the painful ones I created for you!
Thanks for the 9 months I took up residency in your body and for the letting me leave some of the junk behind.
Thanks for 32 years of a loving mother doing her best. Worry not.... your best is good enough.