I can't get out of my mind how we as humans seem unable to allow life to happen without it being qualified. By this I mean putting experiences, people, places, into categories of best, greatest, most fun... etcetera. Do you see what I'm saying?
Today I slept through (with one eye open) the gold medal hockey match up between Canada and USA. The game was interesting but what I couldn't get over was the sadness on team USA when in the end they received silver.
Why is it that it's either best or garbage?
I'm not immune to this disease. I've spent my life aspiring to be best. It could be best friend, best at tennis, best at sitting still, most accomplished toilet paper re-stocker or what ever. It's such an innate piece of me that unless I can accomplish best than I am garbage.
Now I don't want to turn this into poor LeShel, let's all leave comments so she doesn't hate herself.
It's just interesting to me that I'm obviously not the only one striving to be an ost or est. It seems there are a few people out there (the entire Team USA hockey team) who are also either number one or failed. I could be jumping to conclusions.
I must say that as I watched people achieving silver I wasn't at all disappointed in their ability. I sat back and thought to myself, YOU ROCK! Sometimes I wish I could see myself with the same eyes I use to see others.
Maybe not everyone qualifies life like I do. "That was the best summer ever. I can't believe I was there for the most amazing moment of life. That was the worst hurricane the world has ever experienced. I've never laughed this hard in my entire life.' As I type these things I realize that this may be my own personal disease due to my illustrious ability to take common place and from it design an exaggeration beyond recognition.
I recognize that I see the world through my own experiences. A favorite quote of mine that my cousin shared with me is this...
I know you believe you
understand what
you think I said, but
I am not sure that you
realize that what
you heard
is not what I meant.
This makes so much sense to me. Funny that a quote about being confused would make so much sense. I find talking terribly frustrating because I can't express what I'm thinking. I wander about in a nonsensical manner and then leave the moment with me saying something ignorant simply so I can chalk it up to stupid me and be done with the conversation.
where was I going with this??? um, hmm.
Oh, I was realizing that maybe the rest of humanity see's it different. Maybe I'm the only silly one that can't let go of imperfection and is certain that each sacrament talk, lesson, experience in life, is directly related to me and my inability to be the ost or est.
again, I'm lost in my train of thought. I think i'll just leave it at this... i am tired of quantification's. can't everyone just be silver and that would be great?