Disclaimer: I don't care how a mother chooses to feed their baby milk. Use a bottle, use a boob, just feed babies. Babies need to eat!
Matthias is no longer a nursing baby. It's completed, it's over.
When I started nursing him it was not easy. It's never been a simple start up. It hurts and it takes time to get my body adjusted to the process. Nursing requires me to be available for my baby and while 99.9% of the time I'm eager to answer the call there are those occasional moments that I just want to give the job to someone else. For the first few weeks my breasts hurt and every time baby latches on I have to remind myself to stay calm and relaxed and grit my teeth through the pain of needles being sucked through my nipples for the first few moments. I have overactive milk production skills which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because hey I wanted to feed baby and look, I've got food. A curse because there is so much excess that has to be dealt with. Then there's the moments that I wasn't wearing a nursing pad and the milk unexpectedly came in and left me with the awkward question of what to do at the grocery store or while I was teaching at church.
I cried when I quit nursing Isaak. It was disheartening that I would never again have the experience. I remember the years that passed just wishing I could again nurse a baby. I longed to snuggle a baby in my arms and offer him nutrients that my body had made specifically for him. I ached to feel pudgy hands softly rub against my chest thanking me for the goodness. I yearned for the moments that he and I had created together.
This time is different. I do feel sadness but I also feel gratitude. See, I was done after Isaak. We weren't going to have any more babies. I was never again going to be a mom of a newborn or a toddler. I couldn't let go. I feel wrapped in love and happiness that we were surprised with Matthias and I got to experience it one last time.
I walk away from nursing him with joy. Not because it's over but because I got to do it again.