Today this monkey turned 10! Double digits. When he awoke he quickly started sharing his math skills with me and let me know that in 2 years when Clayton is 15 he will be 12. I choked on my morning breath and quickly let him know that he was not allowed to get any older. I was certain he'd make a deal with me. "If I let you turn 10 this year, then next year you get to stay 10 on your birthday." I never requested he not have a birthday. I simply begged that he stay 10 forever. Nope, totally unwilling.
Before I know it my house will be empty. The beds will always be made. I'll no longer step on Lego's in every room. The windows will be clean. I'll only have 2 loads of laundry.
When Nic was born 10 years ago it hit me hard. I struggled for most of my pregnancy and then the first few months, after his birth, had depression that kicked my butt. I still remember the moment that I was sobbing on the couch and told Kjel I didn't want the kids. I just couldn't do it. I can't take this anymore. He calmly looked at me and said, "Then don't." With confusion I replied back, "huh, I can be done?" He gave me one of his strange looks and said, "Just go get some sleep. You're not getting out of this forever but you need some sleep." Thanks Kjel for helping me get some sleep that day so I could put life into perspective.
I've found that when I've walked through darkness and then feel light the light shines brighter and brings me double the joy.
Nic brings me joy! When he was small he clung to me and would not let me leave the room or move 2 feet from him. I was constantly carrying him. People wondered if I ever set him down. I didn't. I did hope that by the time he left for college he would be able to do that on his own and guess what? He will. Those moments ended. Nic has always been a cute little kid. I remember one night tucking him in bed and not knowing how to tell him how glad he was my son. Then instantly I knew what it was about Nic that I loved, "He makes my heart smile."
I am one lucky momma! Thanks for ten years of making my heart smile!
On Friday evening we celebrated Nic's birthday with a few of his friends. He had a great party. It was fun to see these kiddo's together.
